Dear
I never thought much about my friendship with my co-worker because he was married and I was married and we were friends as couples. They had come over to our house for dinner, and we had gone to theirs. Now that he is going through a divorce, my husband worries that my co-worker is sharing too much information about his personal life with me. I would agree that he is sharing too much and probably developing a close attachment to me.
He recently asked me if I would like to go to his house for lunch, which he said was platonic (I absolutely declined). We email each other at work. Our emails started out as casual work conversation until he started going through his divorce, then it became more personal. We also walk to the cafeteria and straight back; we don't sit down and eat together.
He's one of the only people my age in my workplace and is probably the closest relationship I have there but I know there are some boundaries that need to be set up to protect my marriage and make sure my husband can have full confidence in me. How do I, for example, stop emailing or stop listening when he talks about his personal life? Should I talk to my co-worker about boundaries or just ignore him? I'm not sure what to do.
Sincerely,
Needing Better Boundaries at Work
Dear Needing Better Boundaries,
You already know what to do. You need to make it clear to this male friend that he has overstepped boundaries and you allowed it to happen. Your desire to reach out to someone for Christ has caused you to hesitate to take a clear stand.
You husband expressed a concern and even though you agree with his concern, you have started rationalizing: "he's one of the few my age", "it started off as couples", "he said it was platonic". Look at the progress of your relationship and how it has been tainted. It went from an innocent friendship as couples to his obvious attempt to be closer to you without your marriage partners being a part of the equation.
When tempted, no one can say,
God is tempting me. For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has been conceived, it gives birth to sin and sin when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
James 1: 13-16
Do not allow yourself to be an instrument of temptation. Make it clear to your co-worker and everyone else that you are committed first to Christ and to your husband. Use your voice, Sister.
But in your heart set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who ask you to give a reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience.
I Peter 3 :15-16
If he is sincerely open to the gospel, he will be not be rebuffed and will change his behavior.
I think your husband should speak to your co-worker also. It would make it clear to this friend that you have no secrets with him and that your initial hesitation to establish boundaries was simply a concern with how to do it in a kind fashion.
By the way, are you still trying to reach out to his estranged wife? Hope so.
Be strong in the Grace,
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