“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work;
Men often struggle with and worry about the responsibilities and consequences of their leadership. The decisions that they are responsible for have tremendous impact upon the present and future of their families. They know that eventually and inevitable they will make mistakes. Will these mistakes make their wives and/or children unhappy? Will they bring economic disaster, loss of respect from family and friends, or cause irreversible damage?
What can a wife do to help her husband aggressively assume the role God has placed him in? First, she can let him know by words and deeds that his leadership will be supported. One of the most common ways that a wife undermines her husband’s leadership is by continually questioning, evaluating and/or outright opposing every decision and judgment he makes. “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” (Proverbs 12:4). A woman corrodes her husband’s confidence as a leader by not trusting him.
Men also need to know they can make mistakes and still be trusted by their wives. Abraham sinned against Sarah and made some grievous mistakes as a result of fear and lack of faith, but she remained supportive. In I Peter 3:6 we are told that Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him her master. “You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” It is fear that causes wives not to trust their husbands. Some women think their fears are logical, justified and his fault. God holds wives responsible for not giving way to their fears-hysterical, reasonable or otherwise.
A wife needs to know that her opinion of her husband has more influence on his self-esteem than any other single thing except God Himself. As the most significant person in a man’s life, your lack of belief in him can cause him to fail to reach his full potential. When God first called Gideon, he was hiding from his enemies. But God called him “MIGHTY WARRIOR” even at that point in his life. A wife needs to be aware of her husband’s dreams and aspirations and then be the spark that will encourage him to believe what God can do in his life.
A wife’s lack of support for her husband can cause the very things she dislikes the most in her husband. Men who are unsupported in their leadership of the home are often indecisive, or they may be domineering in an attempt to establish their leadership. As a result of the Mother’s example in a family the children may also not respect their father, further pushing the husband and father to become more withdrawn from the family. A wife who sees these symptoms in her husband should examine herself to see if she has been withholding support from her husband.
Do not critique his every move! Many women feel personally responsible for their husband’s grooming habits, speech, schedule, business dealings, child rearing and relationships – basically every move. They are reminiscent of that old gospel song, “The All Seeing Eye in the Sky”. This type of mothering makes a man feel childish, dependent, not respected and not in charge.
Will a husband accept constructive input from his wife? Is there a time to question decisions? A healthy marriage relationship is one where the husband values his wife’s suggestions and thoughts on any subject. A wise wife does her part by remembering with whom she is talking. Wives who are also mothers sometimes fall into the bad habit of instructing their husbands as they do the children: “Put away your shoes.” Don’t put your feet on the furniture.” This is demeaning and will alienate a man. A wife should approach her husband with respect when expressing her feelings, needs or thoughts on a subject. Instead of accusing, “You never talk to me!” or you don’t make enough money!” she should say, “I feel like we ought to talk to each other more than we do” and “I think our budget needs some work, can we look at it together.” Jesus said, “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34). A wife’s heart must be right in order for her speech to be right.
Esther is an excellent example of great communication with a domineering husband. She was timely, tactful and persuasive. She was able to say what needed to be said in an appropriate manner. Her sensitivity won the esteem of her husband and saved the lives of many Jews.
Every wife needs to learn what it means to be a great follower. When I was an inexperienced Women’s Ministry Leader it was a blessing to me to have mature women in the congregation who encouraged and supported me. Their loving support enabled me to mature in my leadership. Similarly a wife whose husband may be a weak or inexperienced leader must be all the more determined to be submissive, obedient, and respectful. Through her diligent and consistent support, she will help him gain the confidence and maturity needed to be an effective leader.
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