My God is my Rock
Written by Shamini Venkat -- Chennai, India Monday, 11 August 2014 06:17
Every time I share about my life, it always helps me to be grateful to God. So here it is... When I was young I was sexually abused by my neighbor. There was a lot of drama then, with the police and every other neighbor getting to know about it. It didn't seem to affect me much at the time... As I grew up though, my mind was very corrupted. I lost my innocence. I imagined a lot of things in my head. On the family front, things were not great. My dad was addicted to alcohol. He is a very loving man when he does not drink, but I saw him fight with my mother intensely! When I was in 6th grade Mum made him go to rehab. He was doing fine for some years but later he went back to his bad habits.
I am going to be 18, and my dad is still addicted to his drugs. He didn't provide for us financially. With all of this, I grew up to be very insecure and longing for love and protection from men. I really craved for it! I got involved in several relationships. I even messed up sexually with a guy.
This was the time I started studying the bible. I would feel so guilty with all of this in my heart. The guilt was piling up until I couldn't hold it any longer. I finally opened up. It was very hard and embarrassing! I repented and got baptised. But still here and there I would get emotionally attached to guys. I had to learn it the hard way. My school principal's son and I got very close, more than just friends. My principal did like me, but after she found out about this, she made my school life miserable. Everyday I would come home crying. That's when I decided to get more emotionally attached to God than to a guy. God really made sense to me! He would always comfort me through His scriptures and they would be so apt for whatever I was going through. I was literally addicted to getting emotionally attached to a guy, but somehow God filled me. Even today it is a struggle, but now I know how to get emotionally attached to my God!
My last year of high school was also the time when the verse "Seek first God's kingdom and all these things will be given unto you" made a lot of sense to me. I was very caught up with my studies. But when I made God my number one priority, things went much better. In fact I got 94% in my 12th board exams!
There is also this financial situation at home. Every day is a struggle for money! Mum earns 25,000 rupees a month ($400). With that we have to pay our house rent which is 8,000, then come electricity bills, groceries, travel and everything. After my 12th grade I had to get into college. My parents had no savings. Reality struck me hard. I had a difficult time; I felt very hopeless. I gave into a lot of self pity. When I turned to God though, it was amazing how he worked. I got into the Madras School of Social Work, which is ranked no.1 in South India and no.3 in India.
God never fails to amaze me. Although I am among people who do well in life, God never made me feel insecure! The confidence I could get from Him was irrational to me. I did have a lot to feel insecure about but God never made me feel that way. Rather I felt perfectly in place and confident even among the rich. He gave me a special kind of joy that came from knowing Him. God not only takes care of my needs but He always inspires me and motivates me even in the midst of all these fights at home, the financial situations, the longing to have a good relationship with my father.... He has taught me great lessons in life. I am even grateful for the lessons I get to learn with my dad in my life. Although many times my dad falls short in his family responsibilities, God's words always inspire me to love my dad unconditionally. He always reminds that love is patient, it always hopes, always perseveres. I am glad God is molding me through all of this. He has given me a great joy in spite all of this. I can always get my attitude right from His words.
I can go on and on about the way He has answered my prayers. I am grateful for everything He has given me. Now I am part of the teen mentors' group in Chennai. I help other teen girls. I study the bible with them. God keeps me going!
Published in
Profiles in Courage
